Memorable Lines in Television History


1) "It's a real good thing you did, Anthony. A real good thing.
-- Twilight Zone, 1961

2) "But I would give about a year's pay to peek under there."
-- Johnny Carson to Dolly Parton

3) "Already the lies start."
-- Mr. Kotter's father when his son Gabe Kaplan exclaims, "Dad, I'm glad to see you!"

4) "Don't worry, honey, I've got a weird brother, too.
-- Roseanne Barr to Newt Gingrich's sister Candace

5) "You a Mormon, babe?"
-- Richard Belzer, 1984 to a caller from Utah on his cable talk show, Hot Properties

6) "Lost my head."
-- Dean Torrence to Sam Riddle, Ninth Street A Go Go, 1964,
when the Boss Jock ineptly directed Jan & Dean to stand on the stage mark for their post-song interview

7) "You and your books."
-- Carmela Soprano to her teacher-lover

8) "I mean, he gets to drain the lizard."
-- Laraine Newman, SNL

9) "I don't wanna hear nuthin' 'bout no starvin' chiddren!"
-- Mr. T, The A Team

10) from Hollywood Squares:
Q. "It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist camps. One is politics, what is the other?"
A. Paul Lynde: "Tape measures."

11) "...where they will be no Tribble at all."
-- Scotty, after transporting the Tribbles to the Klingon vessel.

12) "Wally, if your dumb brother tags along, I'm gonna - oh, good afternoon, Mrs. Cleaver. I was just telling Wallace how pleasant it would be for Theodore to accompany us to the movies."
-- Eddie Haskell

13) "Our gods are dead. Ancient Klingon warriors slew them a millenia ago. They were ... more trouble than they were worth."
-- Worf

14) "Captain, I am not a merry man!"
-- Worf

15) "We have them just where they want us."
-- Kirk

16) Ward Cleaver: "Beaver, you know what Larry was doing was wrong. You could have stopped him."
Beaver: "Gee, Dad, I have enough trouble keeping myself good without keeping all the other kids good."

17) June Cleaver: "Wally, where are you going?"
Wally Cleaver: "I'm going over to slug Eddie."
June Cleaver: "That's no way to talk, this is Sunday."
Wally Cleaver: "You're right, I'll wait 'til tomorrow and slug him in the cafeteria."

18) Chappelle's Show, NEGRODOMUS skit, 2004:
Q. "How does George Bush know that Iraq has weapons of mass destruction?"
A. "Because he has the receipt."

19) Will & Grace: Karen & Jack visit a laundromat:
Karen: "What is this place, Jackie, ... what are these aquariums. Where are the fish?"
Jack: "No, Karen, this is called a 'laundry-mat'; people wash their dirty clothes here, then they re-use them."
Karen: "Oh, Jackie, I had no idea poor people were so clever!"

home                 Edited 8 August 2014 chariot