"I know! Let's fold scarves."
Subject: Reseda High '67-'70 reunion?
Date: Sun, 8 Jun 2008 19:36:36 -0700
Greetings, Reseda High Classmates, I have received a few inquiries regarding a possible 40 year class reunion in 2009 for the Class of 1969. The suggestion was made that we combine efforts with three other classes, and aim for a reunion of the Classes of 1967-1970. The obvious questions:
* Could you please reply with your interest in such an endeavor, and whether or not you can volunteer to help make arrangements and communicate with classmates.
* What month would be best next year?
* Will Patt Foley, Davida Lampkin and Gail Foster reprise their Charlie's Angels careers, and have a three-way duel insisting they each will handle all details of the affair, with the other two playing second fiddle?
* Will Moss Benmosche share complete documentation of his vast financial portfolio on a complimentary flash thumb drive?
* If Bill Covino removes his suspenders, do his pants fall down, or rise mysteriously to his armpits?
* Why is Rob Curry still blonde and where is his portrait of Dorian Gray?
* Is Sherry Suckow still blonde and why does her image disappear from all the Talismans?
* Was Elda 99 Guaderrama actually blonde but disguised herself so she could work with Maxwell Smart?
* When is Mike Seastrom's Hee-Haw Revival scheduled to air on TNN?
* Did Jim Howe become his own cousin when he divorced Michael Alvarado's sister?
* Will Kay Langlotz auction her legendary eyelashes to finance airfare from Wisconsin?
* Will Patty Mellard be chagrined if we decline her invitation to search for Atlantis in the Andes?
* Why does Richard Ortega refuse to let any Canadians enter Montana, and is Sandi Smith a closet Albertan?
* Can Kathy Kater get us such a huge discount at Taco Bell that we'll be persuaded to have the reunion there?
* Which of you still tremble at the mere thought of Bob Piser's rippling biceps?
* How did Joan Holland live on my block without our ever playing hide-and-go-seek?
* If Lance Parton and Ned Erickson are twins separated at birth, why does neither resemble Governor Arnold, except for their thick Bronx accents?
* Is it really true that we should not bother with anything which can be explained to an idiot?
* Does Mary Coleman's career at Stanford University reflect her yearning to light the way?
* Does Cliff Busby still play out-of-tune banjos to teach crappy pun-makers their lesson?
* Will Glen Wilson agree to sing Tom Jones' entire catalog, just like he used to?
* Is there any hope that Martha Ferren will attend if we each agreed to wear a turtleneck?
* Is Johnny Depp actually Robin Grattidge's love child?
* What does Roseanne Yoakum have in common with Beckham besides their trick knees?
* If Judith Lerner fashions dreamy quilts, does Mike Butler hallucinate macrame postcards?
* Will Vicki Stamp arm-wrestle her brother Mike into attending or learning how to use the telephone?
* Can Gary Franklin still kick a 45 yard field goal? With his elbow? Even if Cheryl Reese blitzes?
* Is Neal McCaskill's willy really red, or just named after his fire truck?
* Does Cheryl Bianchi actually lunch every person in Hollywood and are you on her A-list?
* If Phil Luther brings his geometry proofs, can Gena Kurzfeld bring her cat?
* If Sue Grossman DJ's and Chris Busch juggles, will Greg Lee be required to cha-cha, even if Bob Gay is a no-show?
* Is Spencer Knight the only reason the Taliban will never invade from the Coachella Valley?
* Can I really get anything I want at Alice's Restaurant?
* If Bill Bowles in a barge can sail upstream in the L.A. River, do a running George Ortega's heels never touch the ground?
* If a tardy bell rings on a deserted campus, does anyone go on detention?
* Will Margie Sink & Dave Oldenkamp arrive in their helicopter, then disappear as soon as they dance with Mira and Lisa?
* Do we all agree it's about time Colin Singer pushed*me* in the Radio Flyer?
Since none of you are idiots, I am duly permitted to explain the above:
You get no reunion unless some child volunteers, and I promise never to help.