..... I think about Ed every day. I have his photo on my refrigerator and it makes me smile to see him every morning when I get my 1/2 & 1/2 for coffee, but also sad to know that I will never see him again.

I am having a hard time deleting his email address from my address book because it seems so final. I can not come to that reality just yet. Ironically, I am reading Joan Didion's book ," The Year of Magical Thinking" about the death of her husband and daughter in a short span of time. Death is on my mind and I can not shake it. Glen lost his mom and he was with us in Vegas when he was told to return home now because she was leaving. We hugged him and felt his anguish. Another " Mom" was passing.

I have been thinking about the last time I visited with Ed. It was in Reno in Feb 2005. I was walking to the restaurant where everyone was meeting when I heard my name. I turned and saw Ed at the bar. We greeted each other with hugs and amazement. We had not seen each other in years and we were immediately connected. I was amazed that he drank martinis. I did not know Ed as being sophisticated in that sense. I ordered my usual glass of wine and we commenced to visit for the next half hour or so. I was eager to know what his job was like, was he happy. He told about working at the VA and his work with schizophrenics. I remember being so impressed. I remember telling him how proud I was of the work he was doing. I told him he must feel so satisfied with his work.

I came by the table after he won the big money with my brothers John and Paul. They were all excited and told me the story of how he won. Paul went to his room to get his camera since this moment needed to be recorded for all time. Ed was ecstatic and a bit unnerved by the money. I told him, as did my brothers, to not take cash but to get a check. He was being seduced by the casino with the money fanned out in front of him. Sanity prevailed and I believe he took $500 in cash and the rest in a check We all chorused that breakfast was on Ed in the morning. He obliged. Later that night or maybe the next day I asked him what he was going to do with his money. He told me his dream was to go to Wimbledon and this new found wealth made it quite possible. I said , good for you. I am so happy he made his dream possible. Isn't that what we all live for?

Stephanie Knowlton Black